When I was young and hip (just kidding, I never been hip…) I loathed Jean-Claude Van Damme. I loathed Steven Seagal more. I HATED Chuck Norris. Nowadays I still loath Seagal and Norris isn’t worth the energy to hate, he’s just too worthless. I can appreciate Seagal’s early films, like Nico and Above the Law – hell, I even find The Glimmer Man quite enjoyable and Belly of the Beast is a lot of fun – but he’s using a stand-in and stuntman for most of the scenes in that movie anyway. That’s a good thing.
What’s become stronger is my love for Jean-Claude Van Damme. It started to grow when I saw Replicant and realized that this guy actually could act, and soon I got sucked into the dreamy world of the muscles from Brussels. I’ve been looking back at his older movies and found that he’s been one of the most likable martial artists out there – and still is. My friend Martin Borell (who himself is a brilliant visual effects artist) mentioned to me once that the reason he really loves JCVD is that he smiles. He often plays quite friendly guys, just happening to get in trouble from time to time.
JCVD is too cool to pretend to be tough. When Seagal still have the moronic mind of a 12 year old school boy, JCVD have matured and manage to look back at his mistakes – and in the same time developed a fantastic sense of humor and self-reflection. He’s done some seriously great performances, Wake of Death for example. Or the Belgian drama JCVD, where he plays himself and delivering a stunning performance. It’s hard to deny, the man is awesome.
He still churns out direct-to-DVD movies and smaller parts in big, big movies. But he seems to like it. The roles is better nowadays, he tries to make something extra with the little screen time he have – look at the two latest (and excellent) Universal Soldier entries, Regeneration and Day of Reckoning. At the same time he’s one of the few things worth watching in The Expendables 2 and his upcoming comedy Welcome to the Jungle looks seriously funny. He’s on a roll and I hope he never stops moving now.
When talking about dreaming I always tell people my favorite dream. I had it maybe ten years ago, still can’t remember exactly when and where. But I remember it as it was yesterday. The night Jean-Claude Van Damme fought together with me against the living dead!
Imagine an autumn forest, Birch trees everywhere, naked from the upcoming winter around the corner. The leaves lay yellow and orange on the ground. The forest is not that dense, reminding me of my childhood outside Stockholm, perfect for playing hide and seek. I and Jean-Claude – and some more people I can’t remember the names of – takes shelter in a shack, something like the cabin in Evil Dead – but smaller and with less protection.
Outside the zombies arrive. They’re not the usual kind of zombies. They’re egg-zombies. Close your eyes and see Gyro Gearloose in front of you. Remove those yes, the beak and the silly hat – and you have something that looks like an egg on top of his body. That’s how they look. So we meet them between the trees. I guess Jean-Claude is kicking them; I’m probably wielding some kind of weapon. Nothing helps, we’re doomed to lose and we escape back into the not-so-safe shack.
We’re completely surrounded by the egg-zombies. Suddenly Jean-Claude gets an idea, just like Gyro Gearloose. He holds up at spoon. They’re eggs, and the best way to kill eggs is with knocking them in the head with a spoon.
And then we killed the egg-zombies.
hahaha... awesome dream :) man i love your non-review posts and agree on Van Damme. The dude was just stunning in JCVD and he's still got it.
Posted by: gk | November 26, 2013 at 19:29
"When I was young and hip (just kidding, I never been hip…)"
Really?
I thought all gay guys was trendy and hip...?
"I loathed Jean-Claude Van Damme. I loathed Steven Seagal more. I HATED Chuck Norris. Nowadays I still loath Seagal and Norris isn’t worth the energy to hate, he’s just too worthless."
Yeah, I was more of a Bruce Willis fan for some reason, I consider Norris, Seagal, Van Damme to be the b-team.
But I watched their movies anyway.
"When Seagal still have the moronic mind of a 12 year old school boy, JCVD have matured and manage to look back at his mistakes – and in the same time developed a fantastic sense of humor and self-reflection."
Yeah, even though I think Seagals ads have been very funny....Van Damme isn´t the only mocking his personal image.
http://youtu.be/agHw8fH31hI
"and his upcoming comedy Welcome to the Jungle looks seriously funny."
Yeah, looks very entertaining.
"We’re completely surrounded by the egg-zombies. Suddenly Jean-Claude gets an idea, just like Gyro Gearloose. He holds up at spoon. They’re eggs, and the best way to kill eggs is with knocking them in the head with a spoon. And then we killed the egg-zombies."
ahhahahhahahhahhaha....awesome.....great essay, thanks for sharing Fred.
Posted by: Megatron | November 26, 2013 at 19:37
"I thought all gay guys was trendy and hip...?"
Lol, then you haven't met that many ;)
Posted by: Fred Anderson | November 27, 2013 at 09:38
Fred: What????
Are you telling me that cliché is incorrect?
What about Marc Jacobs?
Posted by: Megatron | November 27, 2013 at 15:28
Who is Marc Jacobs? :)
Posted by: Fred Anderson | November 27, 2013 at 15:54
Replicant was the film that made me suddenly take notice of him as an actor, too. I'd seen him in plenty of fun yet silly films, and expected another silly one going in, but was very impressed that they cast him in not one, but two roles - the innocent with the mind of a child, the sadistic serial killer - which really challenged his chops and went against type, and he excelled at both. It's also a great showcase for Michael Rooker in a rare lead role.
Posted by: Noel | November 28, 2013 at 09:43
Fred: hahahhahahhah...well played!
Posted by: Megatron | November 28, 2013 at 16:51