From the mind behind Survive! and Wrestling Women versus the Murderous Robot comes the ultimate trip into Santaland, the acid-oozing Santa Vs. Satan adventure Santa Claus. You know, there's no point in even try to write down a synopsis for the story - it's actually so thin, so stupid, it's hard to even try. But let's say this: Santa gets in trouble when one of the Devil's minions, Mr Pitch, gets out and tries to sabotage Christmas Eve with his shennenigans!
To be honest, it's a quite glossy looking cheapie. Cardona has always been a pro and uses wide, nice shots over sparkling, over-worked sets. José Elías Moreno as Santa does a good job, nothing to complain about there. He's big and jolly, silly and dangerously close to behave like a child molester. José Luis Aguirre 'Trotsky', yes, that's how he's credited, is fun as the little devil. Except when he's chewing the scenery like there's no tomorrow. And he does that all the time.
Let me explain how this movie begins: close your eyes and see one hundred children, divided into groups of ethnicity. They all look terribly unhappy, like something is holding their parents at gunpoint behind the camera and they're also forced to sing silly stereotypical songs represantive for their country - except the "African" children who just dances around like the primitive natives everyone expects them to be. This goes on for at least 10 minutes, one group of children after the other. After that we're treated to a unique insight to Santa's observatory, which has a huge computer-like thingie with human parts and Merlin - the one and only - doing his magic in another room.
This narration explains the place quite good: "This is Santa's Magic Observatory. What wonderful intstruments! The Ear Scope! The Teletalker, that knows everything! The Cosmic Telescope! The Master Eye! Nothing that happens on Earth is unknown to Santa Claus!" Alright? You got it? Good! Let's continue!
The kids are doing all the work, so we're basically talking about child labor here. Santa's a smart dude. He knows that midgets are more expensive than kids. But hey, someone need to make the toys for the millions of nice children out there - the bad ones goes to hell, so you know. What we from hell is something right out from Mario Bava's Hercules in the Haunted World, just a little bit more creepy. In a scene only available in the Mexican version we see the doomed souls walk by, watched by a bunch of dancing devils.
This spirit of Mexican Christmas, gotta love it!
Then Santa takes his gigantic toy reindeers and travels out in the world to give gifts to kids - including poor Lupina, who have a dream-vision surrounded by creepy, life-size dancing dolls. The stuff nightmares are made of. But somehow she survives this ordeal.
You know, it's hard to write about Santa Claus because it's so terribly stupid and empty. But it's also entertaining, but far from a psychotronic masterpiece. It would have needed more hell, more devils and more psychedelic imagery to satisfy those needs before the good old religous brainwash-message at the end!
Still... I like it. I can almost recommend it. I mean, it's out on Blu-ray! Come on! You need to own it!
Back in the 70s when I was a kid, somehow my parents got it in their head that it was ok for me to see this alone in a theater some overcast American Southeast (read "American Deep South") all by myself during Christmas time. Yes, up to the 70s this movie was still being screened in theaters for kids at Christmas time and it was unforgettable in the sense of it being a massive type of nightmare fuel in some weird ways.
Imagine my delight when MST3K (which I know you loathe, but bear with me) did an episode with this and it turned out that it wasn't my fevered imagination that came up with this movie but that it was a real thing! Confirmation! And confirmation that it was, in fact, very, very weird. It deserves both real love and the kind of love that MST3K gave it with a serious poking at.
I was even more delighted when I saw Rise of the Guardians had a similar storyline (childhood mythological beings battling "Pitch"), and then I realized that Guillermo Del Toro was involved, a Mexican director who quite likely saw Santa Claus as a child and very much remembered it. The world is a strange place that tells stories over and over again.
Posted by: Smallerdemon | December 22, 2013 at 06:36
"You know, there's no point in even try to write down a synopsis for the story - it's actually so thin, so stupid, it's hard to even try."
Come on Fred.....you can do it.
"except the "African" children who just dances around like the primitive natives everyone expects them to be."
Horrible cliché.....still used today.
"Alright? You got it? Good! Let's continue!"
I´m not sure.....thewhatscope...?
hahahhahahhahahhahahhah....
"The kids are doing all the work, so we're basically talking about child labor here. Santa's a smart dude. He knows that midgets are more expensive than kids. But hey, someone need to make the toys for the millions of nice children out there - the bad ones goes to hell, so you know."
hahahahhaha...exactly...and also communist burn in hell, or something like that.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decree_against_Communism
But of course things have changed...
http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2013/11/the-vaticans-journey-from-anti-communism-to-anti-capitalism/281874/
"This spirit of Mexican Christmas, gotta love it!"
Hell yeah!
"You know, it's hard to write about Santa Claus because it's so terribly stupid and empty."
I´m glad you tried.
"Still... I like it. I can almost recommend it. I mean, it's out on Blu-ray! Come on! You need to own it!"
You could be right.....support even the weirdest of films just because they were released on blu ray.
Good review and thanks Fred.
Posted by: Megatron | December 22, 2013 at 15:53