The Dark Power (Phil Smoot, 1985)

I just got my brain removed, fried over an open fired, served with french fries and marshmallows and forced-fed to one of the Bush-cousins who then vomited it right back into my skull again. True story. 

...and that story is The Dark Power, starring a couple of the most idiotic characters so far in movie history, plus a guy who kinda looks like Paul Partain from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, sounds like him and his first name is Paul, but it's not the infamous wheelchair-dude from Tobe Hooper's classic. That's one odd thing with this regional, ultra-cheap Evil Dead-wannabe (kinda) cheap gore and a script written by someone who could have been my aunts retarded dog. 

This is of course not a bad thing, actually the opposite. So here's a couple of stupid kids going to some house in the country side. Two of them are super-racist. And that's not an exaggeration. They're so racist it's hard to understand why the others would even want to spend time with them - especially since on of them is an Afro-American and these two fuckers hate n**gers, to quote a very common word in the movie. Anyway, somehow - I don't know why - four almost retarded, The Three Stooges-esque, Native American Demon/zombies/something wakes up under the garden lawn and starts to kill everyone in sight! They actually appear stupid, in some kind of fucked-up slapstick kinda way, including small "comedy" routines and mumbling moanings. In the end the brave ol' American sheriff shows up with his whip and whips the Indians pretty good. Just like the good ol' genocide days!

Oh shit, this is one fucking movie. But it's hard not to like it. Also remember that virtually nothing happens during the first 45 minutes, nothing at all. Just some dialogue, some people walking around, a shower and bathtub-scene, a little bit of partying... like life itself. 

This is what some of us in Sweden would call "mystråkig". I've explained it before, a movie so boring it becomes entertaining. Still, it's not that incompetent. Phil Smoot is a smooth director and the story unfolds quite fine. The actors... well, they're trying hard to act but fails completely. Even that Paul Partain-lookalike and that sheriff that I suspect is something pseudo-famous. 

And after checking Wikipedia I found out he's Lash LaRue - not a drag queen, but a former western star in the 1940s and 1950s and a born-again Christian with expert knowledge in handling a whip. According to the internet mythology he learned Harrison Ford to handle the whip for the first Indiana Jones film. Which might be true. Hell, I don't know. Anyway, he's quite boring anyway. 

The movie itself is a blast in every way possible. The gore is cheap and fun, the Indian demons is something that could have been a part of Neon Maniacs (this would be a nice triple feature together with that one and Demon Wind actually) and every racist in the film - except the drag queen macho western star - dies. You can't have everything. 

I've written way too much about a movie so stupid pigs fly on Mars. So I'll quit here and hope for the best, that the relatives of Lash LaRue won't whip me to death because I called their honored family member a boring drag queen. But it's the truth, and I never lie. 

Watch it. Don't blame your experience on me, please. 

Comments

[Mikael Tomasic]

Since Mr. Smoot only directed two movies (both in '85), you know what you have to do, right?
They are practically giving away the region 1 release of "Alien Outlaw". A regional masterpiece in the mold of "Predator".
Thanks for a fun blog.

Mikael

[Fred Anderson]

Mikael, true! I need to get that movie! :D I will order it directly!

And thanks for reading!

[Megatron]

"I just got my brain removed, fried over an open fired, served with french fries and marshmallows and forced-fed to one of the Bush-cousins who then vomited it right back into my skull again. True story."

hahahhahahhaha....well, at least it wasn´t the one of the Bush twins.

"Oh shit, this is one fucking movie. But it's hard not to like it. Also remember that virtually nothing happens during the first 45 minutes, nothing at all. Just some dialogue, some people walking around, a shower and bathtub-scene, a little bit of partying... like life itself"

45 minute set up......sometimes they work.

"And after checking Wikipedia I found out he's Lash LaRue - not a drag queen, but a former western star in the 1940s and 1950s and a born-again Christian with expert knowledge in handling a whip."

Drag queen......with that name you would have thought that he was one of the characters in Cruising (1980).

"According to the internet mythology he learned Harrison Ford to handle the whip for the first Indiana Jones film. Which might be true. Hell, I don't know."

Yeah.....the internet....full of lies and halftruths.

"I've written way too much about a movie so stupid pigs fly on Mars. So I'll quit here and hope for the best, that the relatives of Lash LaRue won't whip me to death because I called their honored family member a boring drag queen. But it's the truth, and I never lie.

Watch it. Don't blame your experience on me, please."

I will....great review and thanks Fred.