I would like to forgive some people

I forgive you Billy for being the worst boyfriend in my life. I understand the incident when you took the bus up from Switzerland to Östersund in the north of Sweden just to fake a suicide in my living room just was a part of your disturbed stalker-behavior. I haven’t heard from you for a number of years now and I hope you found yourself somehow, because I have. And yes, I didn't call the ambulance because I knew you we’re faking it. And see, everything went fine.

I forgive you Lars-Evert and Anders, pastors in the church I was forced to be a member in. I now understand you felt the power of being leaders of a pack of useless cheeps and realized you could use that to spread your evil. Somehow, which I find is weird, your stance against LGBT people made me just stronger from that viewpoint. But I’ve been very angry what you did to so many other, weaker, victims. 

I forgive you Andreas and Mathias, my bullies at school. I forgive you because I understand you felt the need to get the power from each other to be able to verbally abuse a chubby little boy that wasn't that interest in football or girls. You needed each other because you were too weak all alone. Maybe you grew up, got separated from each other and became new people. I hope so.

I forgive you Kristian. I know you attacked me physically with arms and legs together with your friends, I know that the teachers defended you because you had good grades. I also know you probably had a lot of personal problems, maybe hating yourself so much you didn’t know what to do with the anger. I sincerely hope you grew up and got a better future than anyone could imagine.

I forgive you Harry. You’re probably the worst human being I’ve ever met, and my mother agree with me. A violent evil man and a drunken idiot, no good was in you. I’ve heard you’re sober now, but you still look like the failure you were when you threaten to kill me. I was only 7 years old, but I was the only one you could use your power against. And you didn't dare to do it. I wonder if you've replayed that scene in your mind recently?

There’s many more (and they’re all in my little black book). But I've used revenge to be where I am today and I’m getting tired the feeling. I've reached most of my goals, and the people above are worth a thank you or two. Without them I wouldn't have been angry or stubborn enough to certain things to get where I want to get. 

I’m tired of revenge. I’m probably more successful than those who bullied or in other ways hurt me and I just don’t need them fire up my emotions anymore. I’ve realized during the last week that the only one that keeps me doing what I want to do is myself. More ego, less self-pity. That’s what I promise myself 2014. 

Fred

Comments

[Megatron]

"And yes, I didn't call the ambulance because I knew you we’re faking it. And see, everything went fine."

Wow.....crazy stunt he did on you.

"Somehow, which I find is weird, your stance against LGBT people made me just stronger from that viewpoint. But I’ve been very angry what you did to so many other, weaker, victims."

Maybe they are living together, as a gay couple themselves now?

"Maybe you grew up, got separated from each other and became new people. I hope so."

Have you seen Återträffen(2013)yet?

I found it uneven, but it has very strong performances.

"I’m tired of revenge."

Revenge is a good fuel, but you will burn out quickly.......

"More ego, less self-pity. That’s what I promise myself 2014."

A great goal......great essay and thanks Fred.