If was stranded on a deserted island Tarkan vs. the Vikings is one of the films I would try to save from the sinking ship (or crashed airplane, or whatever…). Oh, and a DVD player, a TV or other kind of monitor and a generator to produce electricity of course. I could probably survive for a couple of months just looking at the DVD cover from Mondo Macabro, but in the end I would descend into a depression and kill myself by banging a coconut violently against my head from not being able to see it.
Tarkan vs. the Vikings is SO good. For realz.
I know, I know… it’s good in a special way, according some people out there. But if you know me you know that I never watch movies because they’re so bad they’re good, I watch ‘em because they entertain me - and those kinda movies are good movies to me. As long as they don’t bore me. What attracts me with this Tarkan film, the only one I’ve seen, is the insanity of it. It’s obviously written by someone who wasn’t in a clear state of mind, and directed by someone who just didn’t give a fuck about anything - as long as the movie was made.
The cool thing is that they’ve really captured the comic book spirit of it. It’s based on a comic strip and it’s very visible. Not only because the vikings more or less are carbon copies of Asterix and his friends, but the colours, the action scenes, the deliciously silly violence, the faces of the actors. Everyone belongs there and seems to have a lot of fun doing what they’re doing. Even the lead actor, Kartal Tibet, who looks like a Bel Ami twink but with added fake mustache and a very not-so-convincing wig.
The whole storyline is actually quite bizarre. After hyping a female army of thirty (or something), but each one of the women have the strenght of 10 persons, they - and everyone around - gets slaughtered by the evil vikings, including Tarkan’s dog Kurt - and Tarkan swears to take revenge in the name of Kurt, and sets out to kill even more people. Only because of a dog. Sure, dogs are nice and cool, but still...what about those babies getting stabbed and thrown away in graphic detail during the battle? If you directly translate the title it would mean Tarkan vs. the Babystabbers...not really, but it would be very appropriate.To make everything scarier the vikings have their own giant octopus, which peacefully floats on the surface closer and closer to its intended victim until it slowly reaches two of it arms and not so brutally kill...Kill...KILL...the human sacrifice. It’s easy to laugh at it, but hey, have any of you done a Turkish Tarkan vs. Vikings movie? I didn’t think so.
No, the story isn’t much to talk about, but instead it delivers tons and tons of very unrealistic action, bloody stuff too, some cheesy gore and the above mentioned cephalopod mollusc popping up to create terror a couple of times. The music, stolen from everywhere, works great to this crazy mix of comic strip, family movie and bloody revenge flick. I bet Ennio Morricone still have no idea his music was used to enhance a Turkish adventure film!
If you can handle cheap sets and clothes (Fun fact: they didn't use animal skin for the clothes in Tarkan vs. the Vikings. Instead they used real Muppet skin!) you’re in for an amazing ride, a movie that WILL make you happy. Better than psilocybin mushrooms, almost at least.
There’s just one bad thing about it: if Tarkan didn't kill the Vikings this (see below!) could have been the flag of Sweden! Damn Tarkan!
"but in the end I would descend into a depression and kill myself by banging a coconut violently against my head from not being able to see it."
hahahhhahahahha....yeah, what if someone had added that in The Blue Lagoon (1980) & Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) ?
Would have been a complete different movies.....
"Tarkan vs. the Vikings is SO good. For realz."
When you write like that, I get the feeling you are fucking with me.....
"Only because of a dog. Sure, dogs are nice and cool, but still...what about those babies getting stabbed and thrown away in graphic detail during the battle?"
hahhahahhahahha....whoa!
Killing dogs is very serious!!!!!
hahahhahahhahah...some producer maybe liked the idea.....
"I bet Ennio Morricone still have no idea his music was used to enhance a Turkish adventure film!"
Morricone did a score for Hundra (1983) so he might survive.....but very good choice by the turks.
"(Fun fact: they didn't use animal skin for the clothes in Tarkan vs. the Vikings. Instead they used real Muppet skin!)"
Poor Elmo....I like him.
"you’re in for an amazing ride, a movie that WILL make you happy."
It sure does sound more fun than Cloud Atlas (2012), Blue Valentine (2010) and Lincoln (2012).
Good review and thanks Fred.
"There’s just one bad thing about it: if Tarkan didn't kill the Vikings this (see below!) could have been the flag of Sweden! Damn Tarkan!"
hahhahahhahaha....no, people would think that the swedish statereligion worshipped Cthulhu!
Posted by: Megatron | October 18, 2014 at 00:52
At the first step, it is not Tarkan's dog named "Kurt" According to the movie. It is a wolf (But orginally, it is a dog)
The Leader of Vikings, Bilal Inci, he is from Adana and he was playing Byzantium commanders or emperors magnificiently by taking muslim babies from his families (Battalgazi etc...) Muslim to Orthodox Christianity in 70s Turkish Historical Movies. (RIP)
At this movie, Octopus skenes are legendary. The giant man, who is Huseyin Alp, twists the arms of octopus himself.
Last one is the Riot of Scandinavian Women against Scandinavian Men. Tarkan helps them.
Trkan Series are legendary. :)
Posted by: Ismail Acikel | October 27, 2014 at 21:42