Sometimes a movie deserves to be forgotten, even if Naschy himself stars in it. Such a movie is School Killer, a slasher-wannabe from 2002 directed by the gilman, Carlos Gil. Sorry for making fun of his name, but he kinda deserves it for releasing such a load of crap. Now now, you say, let us be nice and friendly and see it for what it is: a simple slasher. Yeah, I've been trying to do that, but to be honest, this is as far from a simple slasher as possible: it takes every cliche of genre and makes them even more stupid. Puh. But I watched it (again!) just for the presence of Paul Naschy, who here plays a fairly big but ungrateful role.
A bunch of idiots goes to an abandoned school to do something pointless, but it of course involves to party and smoke weed and everything you expect from a slasher. But the thing is that the young man, who’s suppose to be 18-19 and looks like 35, wanted to go there just to relive his father’s horrors 30 years earlier, when a brutal massacre happen on the school grounds. Why anyone would like to do that, and also bring the same number of friends as in 1973, beats me. But hey, whatever tickles your fancy. And jadajadajada, the killer (Paul Naschy) shows up and nothing special happens after that expect some murders and lots of dialogue from Stupid-Hell.
Come on! If even I can’t enjoy a movie, who can? I’m the most open-minded and sloppy person when it comes to what’s good or bad, entertaining or boring, must-see or avoid-like-hell. and this one is the last things of those three examples. It might had been funnier if there was some kills in the first parts instead of the moronic and hejdlöst usla screenplay by these two geniuses: Tino Blanco and Mercedes Holgueras. Did they really need two persons for something half a person could write? Or my cats. No, my cats would write a lot cooler script. Hand on the Satanic bible!
The story forces itself to be funny - it’s not, and at the time hip references to other horror movies and genre conventions is delivered like big blocks of concrete from the okay-ish talents in front of the camera. I usually don’t care about plot holes, but these...oh boy, they’re so big you could drive a god damn Death Star through it without really touching the borders. Lets take one: they need to call for help, but what...THERE’S NO CONNECTION on their cell phones! Five minutes later they’re calling each other all the fucking time, without even mentioning the technical problems or trying to call the police.
Sigh.
Sure, there’s two or three instances of decent gore. I dig that, fine by me. But that’s also it when it comes to slashertaining excitement! What’s worth watching is a tired, and kinda bored, Paul Naschy stumbling around in the corridors. But in all honesty, not even him seem to enjoy this. One paycheck to pay the rent and put food on the table. I can understand him.
And by the way; what’s kinda title is School Killer?! It’s the ultimate generic slasher title! Fuck you School Killer, I hate your guts.
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