Schmollywood Babylon

Blood Glacier (Marvin Kren, 2013)

Marvin Kren’s Blood Glacier might be the oddest monster flick I’ve seen in quite a while. Kren’s last film is the much talked about Rammbock, what I’ve heard it’s an oddity also, but with a zombie-twist. What he’s done here is taking the basic premise of The Thing (and some scenes actually), a little bit of John Frankenheimer’s The Prophecy and a dash of social-realistic drama and created an ecological thriller set in the German alps.

Gerhard Liebmann is Janek, a drunken technician responsible for the base camp in the Alps. The rest of the staff is geologists and no one really likes Janek. The shit hits the fan when Janek finds a red glacier, THE BLOOD GLACIER, who actually is filled with red algae and not blood, his dog gets bitten by something inside a nearby ice cave and soon becomes sick. When they’re back to the base again Janek steals some morphine and drifts away into the abyss of unconsciousness. When he wakes up its night… and he hears something behind the cabin, something very hungry…

To describe Blood Glacier could be very easy if I write “Scientists finds themselves surrounded by monsters up on a mountain”, but that would be to cheat the audience. For me Blood Glacier is a drama where Janek and his former girlfriend, Tanja (who’s on a hike together with a politican and a couple of other characters), will reunite and take care of the sick dog. There are some hints that their break-up had to do with getting a child or not, which makes everything – in several different ways – extra complex.

The actors are top-notch, this is realistic acting, far from the typical SyFy quality (which I expected without reading that much about the story) with lots of human touches. It strays into arty farty for a couple of moments here and there, but still – which is so damn strange – keeps exploitation atmosphere near. There are several nods to John Carpenter’s The Thing, and the one that actually works the best is the one that doesn’t end like in Carpenter’s movie. But you expect it to happen. As usual the American genre film critics over-use the word “gore” in their reviews. It’s violent and bloody, but not that much actually. It’s just not the important thing with it. The effects are cheap but effective, which also makes it even closer in style to Frankenheimer’s The Prophecy.  

The creature effects are highly original, but I don’t want to spoil the basic concept. You need to see this one!

Blood Glacier also has one of those endings which will divide the audience in two teams: love or hate. I liked it, but I need to see the movie again to fully appreciate it I think. Just don’t expect a typical creature feature… but still has in mind it’s a typical creature feature, just the very European way. I really need to see Rammbock now, after this experience.

Blood Glacier is way more original than the initial set-up and title hints. It dares to do something very traditional and twist it around a little bit, which will make some viewers very disappointed – but also make some of us happy. Let me know what you think!

Antichristmas: Christmas Evil (Lewis Jackson, 1980)

Christmas Evil sounds a lot like a simple horror movie, one of those Santa slashers who still haunts the world. The original title, You Better Watch Out, fits a lot better to this super-dark comedy. It's so dark it's rarely funny, but still - in the tragedy it presents in glorious detail - is hilarious. 

Brandon Maggart is Harry Stadling and Harry likes Christmas. No, he doesn't even like it. He loves it. He loves it like no other man. Probably to hide the fact that he saw Santa "cuddle up" with momma as a kid and now he wants to protect everything that's the American Christmas for him. He has a book for bad people and one for good people, and if you happens to end up in the first - then you're smoked! So Harry leaves his job at a toy factory and slowly lets himself transform into Santa... a highly irritated, but still good-hearted Santa. A combination that means a dangerous Santa....

If I make my stand-point clear here: if Phase IV is the 2001 of killer ant flicks, this is the 2001 of psycho Santa flicks. And that's a fact. It's also so much more than a psycho Santa flick, a lot more. It's actually more of a black drama telling us the story of a man that physically and mentally slowly transforms into the one thing he loves the most and then have a hard time dealing with how he's gonna live up to it. Only that is a brilliant set-up and with Brandon Maggart in the lead, it's also becomes of the best comedies ever.

It's a hard movie to describe. While there's a few deaths here and there, and come cheap and fun gore, Christmas Evil basically shows us Harry getting annoyed. Or more introvert. There's some fine details, like the awesome Jeffrey DeMunn as Harry's worried younger brother, who can't stand his brother, but loves him so much. Complex characters in something called genre cinema is always welcome. Because who cares about empty characters? I don't.

I can understan why John Waters calls it one of the best Christmas movies ever, with it's black comedy, disturbing characters (Harry's affectionate behaviour towards children, especially small girls, IS very ambigious - but I think its beause he cares about children, not something else - but you can read it in many ways!) and the best Christmas atmosphere since Christmas Vacation and maybe the remake of Black Christmas. 

I'm not gonna spoil it (of course), but the ending is magical. I'm not sure what to make of it, because it could be read two ways - and both of them are beautiful in their own ways. Somehow it's the only way the movie could have ended to keep up the great quality of the rest. 

This is one of my shorter reviews in a while, but sometimes you don't need to write more. It's perfect as it is. 

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Wake of Death (Philippe Martinez, 2004)

I noticed already in Replicant how Van Damme had raised the bar for what he could deliver, but it wasn’t until Wake of Death until I really understood that he truly transformed himself to a great actor. He’s always been charming and charismatic of course, but the scripts never rose above good. Van Damme has a tendency to look very haunted, even when he was younger, behind that boyish smile. Compared to his fellow action actors he often smiled, played good-hearted guys, not really the form of machismo made popular with the old conservative muscle bulls of Hollywood. Van Damme dared – and still dares – to be a softie, to be human. That’s why I like him so much.

JCVD is Ben Archer, a small time gangster and thug, working at clubs and bars. Every day is packed with violence and threats and he’s getting tired being harassed. So he tells his boss he wants to retire, but happiness doesn’t last long until his wife is brutally killed by some Hong Kong criminals, led by the Sun Quan (Simon Yam). Why? His daughter has escaped and is now taking shelter with the Archer-family! Destroyed by sorrow and anger, Ben builds up all the power he has and goes on a violent revenge-fuelled killing-spree!

Wake of Death, with the silly artwork and boring title, is a French-German-US-something co-production shot in South Africa. When I first saw it and did my research I heard rumors of a plagued and troubled production, maybe even a change of director just before the shooting started. This could be a fake memory, but anyway, whatever happened on the set it doesn’t show in the movie. Instead Wake of Death is a very stylish, dark (literary dark, it’s so black!) and violent revenge-drama. And when I saw drama I mean it. The first half is more talk and emotions and less action, which also showcases the fine acting talents of Van Damme. He truly gives it all, and it’s a touching story unfolding; A middle-aged man seeing his life crumbling around him, while still have violence in his blood and it’s obviously the only solution he can come up with.

When the violence hits it’s nasty as hell. Not as graphic as, for example, Universal Soldier: The Day of Reckoning, but much of the aggressive power comes from the drawn-out torture, bloody squibs (Burt Kwouk of all people gets shot in a scene!), violent kick in the heads and the cool stunts involving motocross’s and cars. It’s not a light-hearted film, not the typical DTV film to watch after a hard day of work for the regular Joe. Even the finale, which could have been something more spectacular, becomes a more realistic, almost sad show between two violent men. I also like how Ben Archer suddenly, during a kill, loses power and it seems he’s close to crying, like he suddenly understands the pointlessness of killing someone.

Wake of Death is a deeply underrated film. It’s one of the highlights of Van Damme’s later career. It’s not one of those fun martial arts romps, it feels more like something Gaspar Noé would direct if he was forced in the magical word of direct to dvd action flicks. And that’s not a bad thing. 

Doriana Gray (Jess Franco, 1976)

This is probably the first time I’ve reviewed a porn movie on Ex-Ninja… and it’s not any blue movie, it’s one directed by my favorite filmmaker Jess Franco. Like many of Franco’s films there were different versions released for different markets, some with porn inserts, some with less or more violence, some with different actors and storylines. I don’t know what Franco thought about this, but I still think it reflects the notion that film is a living organism. It changes, transforms – for good and bad. What changes was made to Doriana Gray I don’t know, but it clearly feels like the porn – the graphic scenes of masturbation and sex – belongs in the story. Well, story. It’s not much of that, but still it has a lot of that magic only Franco could conjure with his special form of filmmaking.

Lina Romay is Doriana Gray (or Grey, according to some sources), a lonely aristocrat living alone together with her mute butler in a big mansion. She’s a recluse and very hard to get close to, but a journalist – played by a stiff Monica Swinn – manages to get inside and befriends the lonely woman. She has a sister, a twin sister, who lives in an asylum (under a certain Doctor Orloff…). The twin sister is a sexual predator, a nymphomaniac, who lives for sex and with sex. This somehow affects Doriana and the journalist gets more and more drawn into her world of possession and eroticism…

That was hard. But I think I’m kinda correct story wise. It really doesn’t matter, because Doriana Gray is more of poetic (or “pornetic”?) and very intimate showcase for Lina Romay. Lina never really makes a good performance, but she sure has charisma and especially under the eyes of her lover Jess. It really feels like it was shot with Franco and no one else. There’s some stunning footage of Lina just moving around the house, sensually and with the glimmering nightfall sun coming in from behind, and you get that feeling that there’s just them then and now, no one else. Doriana Gray has a lot of these beautiful moments, but I’m afraid they’re shattered by some of the ugliest porn I ever seen.

I mean, I’m happy I’m gay after seeing the stuff going on here. The truth be told, I feel for becoming totally asexual after watching hairy, flaccid dicks getting sucked on by women who clearly don’t want to be there. The big ejaculation scene is just… a failure, like the dick itself didn’t even care if it could jizz or not. Then there are the gynecological close-ups of Lina’s vagina – I promise you, I never seen anyone go sooooooo close to that thing in my whole life. And it’s not the slightest erotic either. Virtually all the sex is bad in this film, and I’m not sure it’s meant to be. I just think Franco stepped over that border that only he could appreciate and gave it as a gift to us innocent bystanders. Thanks Jess, you almost made me impotent.

But if we forget the porn and look at the rest, it’s a damn fine movie. Very Personal and intimate, the way only the Europeans could mix exploitation and arthouse during the seventies. It has beautiful locations, something of a trademark of the director, and in the end a classic Jess Franco production.

The only thing you need to do after watching it is to wash your eyeballs with soap and acid, to get the vagina-cam footage erased from your memory. It might hurt, but it’s worth it. 

The Hot Nights of Linda (Jess Franco, 1975)

Watching Jess Franco talk about movies is the best thing ever. It's like he's slowly waking up from the frail existance he lived in the last years, sitting there with his cigarette remembering small details from one of the 200 feature length movies he directed from the fifties up to his death in 2013. Sometimes the memory need some helps and he yells out for Lina Romay, who's probably sitting the next room smoking, and she appears instantly filling in the facts. Franco was a man who lived in movies, who in his own words had the feeling of movies. That's the reason why he decided to make Lina  star after Soledad Miranda died, they both had the feeling - the awareness of the audience on the other side of the creative process, the chemistry with the camera and Franco and of course the ability to just look through the technoloy and catch our eyes. 

Not all of Franco's movies were masterpieces, but imagine anyone being able to make 200 of those? That's impossible. He was a working man, a filmmaker of jazz and pleasure, someone who had cameras for eyes and printed negatives with his brain. The Hot Nights of Linda was made during his many years with Eurociné, a French production company who probably made some of the worst movies I ever seen, but still created some kind of poetry in the trash they made. Linda was made as a co-production with Spain and Eurociné never showed up on set, which can explain why it's a lot better than some of the other productions Franco made for them. That didn't stop them from taking the movie and - according to Franco - edited into at least ten different movies - including "Just Sex" (which Franco, laughingly adds, must have been just a short movie). 

Alice Arno, who never was that fond of acting, plays Marie-France Bertrand, a young teacher hired to go to the riviery to help a rich widower (Paul Müller) with their two daughters, Linda and Olivia (Catherine Lafferière and Lina Romay). Linda is paralyzed and is cared for by a mute servant, Abdul (Pierre Taylou) and Olivia is revolting against everyone and everything with a very sinister idea of sexual terror, incest and just plain violence. Marie-France is slowly drawn into their games of sex and intrigue, whether she like it or not...

The Hot Nights of Linda was made during a very creative period of Franco's career. He produced masterpiece after masterpiece, often complex erotic dramas with suspense and sometimes dashes of horror. We're talking highly original pieces here, far more intelligent and emotionally charged than you can imagine at a first look. Linda is not the best of the bunch. It feels a bit uneven, especially the first half our or so. The scenes shot in Paris is the usual crappy Eurociné quality, but when it finally arrives to Spain, in Alicante, it suddenly rises in quality. Architecture have always been important in the works of Franco, and here he uses a beautiful by-the-sea mansion in Greek style (an hotel, he says in an interview). Not as spectacular as Ricardo Bofill's houses used in, for example, She Killed in Ecstacy and Countess Perverse, but wonderfully bright and stylish - the perfect place of a really twisted sexual nightmare. 

While I'm not entierly fond of the ending (Lina suggests it was the invention of Eurociné), the biggest flaw is the comedic side story where a clumsy cop with a big mustasche, investigating Müller's alleged murder of his wife) and a sex-crazy female photographer sneaks around the mansion, nagging like an unhappy married couple. Franco added them because he felt the movie would be too dark, but that's probably one of the few stupid ideas I've heard him say. Without those scenes it would have been among the best he's done. 

The Hot Nights of Linda is a dark, complex, sexy suspensful drama with some nudity and some violence. The blu-ray from Severin looks very good, even if the print (probably put together from several sources) isn't the best. As usual the Franco interview included is awesome, that man really knows what he's talking about. The second interview, with him and Lina at the same time, is also conducted in English and is harder to follow. But still interesting - we're talking the greatest couple ever lived here, so just sit back and enjoy what they have to say. 

Also included on the version I have is a hardcore (?) version of the movie, on DVD, but my interest in straight sex is weak as it can get...

....so I leave that to a rainy day when I have absolutely nothing to do ;)

Assault on Wall Street (Uwe Boll, 2013)

Uwe Boll have been a favorite since the trashy and silly House of the Dead. He's been mixing very stupid popcorn movies with edgy and controversial dramas - which of course confused the more light-brained movie watchers out there, who on autopilot just bashes even the serious part of his filmography. It's pure laziness of course, or incompetence - but what can I do? Fuck 'em! Assault on Wall Street goes into very edgy territory - he's done it before, with Rampage and Heart of American - who also deals with mass shootings. This time he might have perfected the theme, and still makes it come out like something we somehow can understand. Very interesting.

Dominic Purcell plays Jim Baxford, a security guard who's during the first hour of the movie gets himself in deep shit - not because of himself, but because of the bankers, investors, lawyers etc who takes care of his life savings. Suddenly, after Wall Street collapses, he find himself in debt - not only is his money gone he also needs to pay the bank 60000 dollars. His wife (a very likable and human Erin Karpluk) is seriously ill and all their money and insurances goes to her medical care, but one day they can't pay anymore and another disaster strikes... fuelled by a calm rage, Jim takes his gun and decides to teach the fuckers a lesson...

I can promise you, you will fully understand Jim's choice. It might feel awkward for you - it did it for me - but in the end there's a suddenly calmness, like we fully understand. The first hour is probably among the most painful things I've seen, when the everything collapses around Jim and Rosie and how they deal with it. He, excellent played by Dominic Purcell, letting nothing out. He keeps the rage and sadness inside of him, like a big ox. She fully understanding what's going on, trying to keep up the good mood while taking 300 dollar injections at the hospital, but slowly breaking apart inside. It's powerful stuff, but made in that wonderful, glossy, but still realistic Uwe Boll way. 

You might not believe me, but Boll is a master of emotions. He knows exactly what buttons to push and he - in these dramas - gives us some stunningly real human characters. Around Jim and Rosie are three security guard friends - played by Michael Paré, Keith David and Edward Furlong - all doing great performances, very natural. They care about Jim and his wife, there's no cynism or irony - they're real friends, with their own troubles. But still caring. Not often you see that in movies nowadays. The bad guys - I guess you can call them that - are a bit more shallow, but it's good for the story. John Heard makes his best performance ever, Eric Roberts makes one of his patented cold bastards and Lochlyn Munro is very good as Jim's investor. 

Boll loves his crips, realistic semi-documentary photo and there's a lot of it here. Using both the exteriors of New York and locations in Canada, this is a gorgeous and stylish drama. There's of course action, but not "fun" action. Lots of squibs, a couple of explosions, violence and blood. Not in massive doses, but enough to make those last forty minutes brutal enough to make it feel good when the baddies gets it - and still gives you that angst which reminds of that this is based on reality. There's a reason why people get fed up and starts shooting other people. 

Accept it or live in denial. 

Sushi Girl (Kern Saxton, 2012)

As some of you know I’m a bit special. My taste sometimes takes absurd ways and often totally without care of other movie geeks emotions. Tarantino, for example, is a director that never caught my eye when he first broke through with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. Good movies, but nothing special – in my humble opinion. They felt forced naturalistic, which I never liked. I really started to appreciate Tarantino’s work when he made Kill Bill 1 and 2, Death Proof, Inglorious Basterds and now Django Unchained, movies which seems more honest and exploitive – but still doesn’t lose their message. Anyway, f**k you if you’re not agreeing with me ;)

Just kidding.

But when Pulp Fiction came out the market was flooded with hip, Tarantino-esque crime-movies, plagiarizing Tarantino’s style and themes. Basically exploitation of exploitation. One of the best was the much underrated Things to Do in Denver When you’re Dead, but also 1997’s Suicide Kings (starring, among others, Christopher Walken). They both feel more refined, less pretentious… and I like that a lot.

This leads me to Sushi Girl. The cover and title made me first think of one of those stylish but terrible boring Japanese splatter flicks from Sushi Typhoon, but after a couple of weeks seeing the blu-ray everywhere – pretty cheap also – I just had to pick it up and read what the hell it was about. To my surprise it’s seemed like a modern Tarantino-rip off (in a good way of course) starring Tony Todd, Mark Hamill, Noah Hathaway, James Duval and Andy Mackenzie + cameos by Jeff Fahey, Michael Biehn, Danny Trejo and Sonny Chiba! Not a bad cast! So I decided to give it a try…

Tony Todd is Duke, a powerful criminal who one evening gathers his former gang of robbers to once and for all get the truth out regarding some missing diamonds. Fish (Hathaway) has just left the prison after a failed robbery where the diamonds never was found. He’s spent six years in prison and all the others are convinced he knows where they are. But it’s a very special evening, Duke has arranged to serve a very unique form of sushi – served on the body of a naked young woman. The last piece to be eaten is the Fugu, a piece of a very poisonous fish – deadly if not prepared correctly. Now this woman is stuck in the middle of a violent, graphic, sadistic and very dirty verbal showdown between criminals who just want to get rich!

Sushi Girl is directed with so much flair and talent I was surprised. I expected something simpler, something… primitive. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me.   This looks like a million bucks, but I sincerely think it was a lot cheaper to make. I have some problems with story, there are a few things that don’t work according to me – including quite a big detail, but hey… I can live with that. I’ve would have done it in a different way, but it’s not my movie and I must respect what the filmmakers have done here. The real reason to watch it is the cast. Hathaway, James Duval and Andy Mackenzie are wonderful, but my favorite Tony Todd makes on his best performances in years and years. He’s totally committed to this character! Such intensity! Chiba, Biehn, Trejo and Fahey makes cameos – good ones, good actors – but hard to judge because they doesn’t have that much to do. THE star of the film, except Todd, is Mark Hamill – who’s so far away from Luke Skywalker as possible as the sleazy, super-gay Crow – like a mix between Philip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights but with a big splash of Hypnotoad and Steve Buscemi. Brilliant all the way, and he’s also gives 1000 % in his performance. I’ve always liked Hamill, he really is one under-fucking-rated actor, and it’s fun to see him in such an original part.

Sushi Girl surely has its flaws, but the good things make the bad things quite unimportant. It’s a visual feast, an gold mine of acting and makes some bigger budgeted movies die of shame!

Survival of the Dead (George A. Romero, 2009)

After the success of Diary of the Dead Romero and his crew decided to make a semi-sequel focusing on one character from Diary, a very small part from beginning: a military stealing stuff from our gang of young filmmakers. He’s Sarge Nicotine Crockett and Alan Van Sprang is back doing the same part (he plays a similar character in Land of the Dead also, but ends up a zombie in that one). I’ve decided to not whine about people whining without reason on movies that doesn’t deserve it, something I’ve done on both Land and Diary – because Survival of the Dead might be Romero’s least popular zombie movie – which is very unfair, there’s something very good and radical going on in this story.

We follow Crockett and his team of military buddies. They find a teenager along the way, who’s been hooking up with a gang of racist rednecks, and he tells them about a place where you can buy a boat – and go to an island not infected by the living dead. They decide to hit the road and find this place, but ends up in a family feud, the old cowboy style! It’s O'Flynn vs. Muldoon and it’s O’Flynn who’s renting boats to the island after being forbidden to ever enter the island again. Both are conservative patriarchs with their own agenda. O’Flynn took the law into his own hands and started to kill Muldoon’s people, those infected, and Muldoon wants to keep them “alive”. Both are mega-assholes, and in the middle is the daughter of O’Flynn – who now lives on the island because she hates her father. But in this complicated feud, who can you trust? Who’s the good guy? Are there any good people left?

For being such a small movie with, it seems, a very simple story about families against each other, Survival of the Dead is surprisingly complex. Romero never gives us an easy choice here. O’Flynn and Muldoon fights over the same island, but it’s impossible to root for any of them even if them have some valid points. Why should we even kill the dead again? And why should we keep them alive? There’s no answer to this, and Romero fucks around with our expectations in a very intelligent way. It might be, just like Diary, a little bit cheesy along the way, but this is not a movie about the big zombie outbreak, this is a small story, basically a western.

I see it as a complete destruction of the elders, the patriarchs. Why the hell should we trust them? Because they’re older? Because they have power? No way, they’re unimportant. They’re still fighting a war that’s been dead for all of us for years and years. Two stubborn men thinking they’re correct when there’s really no clear answer to their problems. The situation is way too complex for them to be in charge.  

As a zombie movie it might lack tension, the tension is not even near what Romero have done before. But once again, this is a movie about families and how to deal with dead relatives. This doesn’t stop Survival of the Dead to have plenty of gore and creative kills – probably more than Diary and maybe a bit more comedic. This can be good or bad, but remember that pie-throwing scene in Dawn of the Dead… the comedy has always been in Romero’s work and here he’s just taking it one step further.

Some might be disappointed on the lack of hardcore horror and suspense in Survival of the Dead, but I see it this way: Romero have managed to make six movies in the zombie genre, all with completely different takes on the theme. This is just another viewpoint on a genre that easily could have been dead, but thanks to Romero refusing to do “just another zombie movie” the genre is still alive. And I promise you, this is a film which will grow and grow among fans. Just remember how many who disliked Day of the Dead when it came…

Just saying. 

The Disappearance (Stuart Cooper, 1977)

I've seen way too many movies over the years, but few have been so odd as The Disappearance. Not exactly sure why, but if this one would be remade today it would be a loud action-thriller with Colin Farrell. Now it's probably the "low-keyest" thriller ever made, but with a cast so stellar it's hard to imagine a better one: Donald Sutherland, David Hemmings, John Hurt, David Warner, Christopher Plummer, Francine Racette, Peter Bowles and Virginia McKenna. Shot in Canada and the UK by Stuart Cooper - and co-produced by David Hemmings, this is an original thriller/drama which never really tries to be a thriller. It's more of a reflection, a reflection of human behaviour. Of love. What ever. As long as it sound pretentious from my side. 

Donald Sutherland is Jay Mallory, THE best hitman in Canada at the moment. He lives in a strange love-hate relationship with his wife Celandine (Francine Racette), who he met during an earlier assassination job. She doesn't seem aware of him being a professional killer, but is very unhappy with the job he claims he have. One day he comes home and she's gone, she have disappeared. First he think she's left him, but he can't stop thinking about it and soon he's convinced something else has happen. At the same time his offices calls him over and over again, they need him to make one last kill... 

It's very hard to describe The Disappearance. My first reaction was "underwhelming", but then I realized it's one of those movies that keeps you thinking. It's hard to get it off your mind. For those expecting a typical conspiracy thriller of the 70's, this WILL be a disappointment - but if you just understand that this is a very slow arthouse-version of any 70's hitman-movie, this will be something you will love. First of all, the acting is superb. Sutherland is - as usual - extremely good, but the big cast of characte actors surrounding him is just fantastic. I never seen anything like it, at least when all of the characters feel like real characters and not just cameos to fill out the movie posters (cough... any disaster movie from that time... cough). I can imagine this was a dream for the actors, doing something so serious and well-written in a time of silly blockbusters JUST made to earn some cash.

Then we have the wonderful locations. It's cold, dirty, grey and brown, snowy, rainy. I mean, my favorite era must be "Canadian 70's". I always feels at home in movie from that time and place. The Brood is a movie, for example, I can watch only for the autumn leaves falling from the trees in the background, the grey skies and desolate roads. Put Donald Sutherland in that environment and you have The Disappearance. 

The story is actually a bit unimportant here. The point with the film is seeing Sutherland being sad over his lost wife. But if you take one step back and look at the whole movie and not just Sutherlands superiour performance, there's a very complex storyline going on - not totally uncommercial either. It's just not the main thing with this film. The story leads us from Canada to the UK and back again, and it's a mesmerizing trip with death, sex and shitty weather. Just the way I want it. 

If you wanna see it - and I know you want - the ONLY way to do that is through the new blu-ray from Twilight Time. It has two cuts of the movie and once very interesting interview with director Stuart Cooper. Deeply recommended!

The Wicker Tree (Robin Hardy, 2011)

Come on. Stop your whining. The Wicker Man is one of the best movies ever made. I don't consider it a horror movie, more of a dark drama about a superiour religion crushes the inferiour one. If you even can say that any religion is good - because why submit yourself to a imaginary character and let him/her/it control you? That's just pure laziness. Oh, sorry. You know me. Always out to pick a fight! The original is not a horror movie and so is not this loosely - in themes - connected hated movie, The Wicker Tree. So see it that way and it will be alright. 

The Wicker Tree is a slightly off-beat, dark comedy, satirizing religion - especially the Christianity. Two young virgins, a couple - but still haven't had sex - with the talent of country-singing and preaching the Lord - travels to Scotland to bring over the heathens to the good side. They're greeted with celebration and a lot of love, but is slowly sucked into an ancient pagan religion - and we all know what that god wants to bring happiness to the community again? Yes, human sacrifice. 

The Wicker Tree reminds me of a modern, but maybe not so hot, detective TV-show. You know, like the Midsumer Murders, with the quirky comedy only an 83 year old man (Robin Hardy himself) probably finds funny, some over-the-top acting and a script who maybe not always hangs together. It's not that bad actually. The visuals looks kinda cheap sometime and the directing goes from inspired like hell to "lets just put the camera and shoot in that direction for the rest of the scene"-kinda day at the shoot. But as fast there's something regarding the pagan religion, sex, violence - then Mr Hardy turns himself on and unloads a fine fire of expression. He obviously enjoys the odd humour and Vaudeville-esque acting - and I'm pretty sure that's part of everything planned regarding The Wicker Tree.

One sad thing is the presence of Christopher Lee. I love him, he's so important for my love for movies, but he's sick here. He's not in the mood to shoot a movie. It's hard and it's visible. Like in The Resident he doesn't movie, just fixed on a chair out-of-sight. The scene he's in is not there to say anything. It's totally unnecessary, just an excuse to have Sir Lee in it, no matter how. 

It might not be totally successful - but I'm still surprised of all the negativity. I know you might have expected something like the 1973 classic, but remember that very few directors likes to repeat themselves. Why not have some fun it it? I didn't always laugh. Not once actually, but the style, story and refreshing naivety makes the experience quite okay in the end. Not sure I will do it again for a while, but this absurd story about a young stupid couple getting fucked by some pagan shot, injected with so much strange comedy, characters belonging on some daytime soap and the editing rhythm created by someone smoking weed, that I have a hard time disliking it.

Can't give any real reason why, but I guess you'll have to accept it!